I didn't mean for it to get this way (It's dark in here)
by isthismistersmolderholder
Summary: Jemma was attacked at the hub and the team help her make sense of life afterwards. Hurt/comfort Skimmons. TW: Rape.


She didn't think it would affect her abilities. The logical side of her knew that a traumatic event very well could affect her abilities, but she'd just said to herself, this wouldn't even be close to anything Agent May has been through, and she's here on the plane. Coulson was stabbed through the heart, and here he was. So she told herself it was nothing, and if she had a few (hundred) nightmares and panic attacks here and there, then so be it.

Only, it had begun to get worse, now. She could feel the team's eyes on her when she jumped at an unexpected noise, flinched when she was touched, was subdued rather than bubbly and excitable, and she knew it wouldn't be hard for them to know something was wrong. She hated herself for being so much weaker than them.

"Hey, we're touching down in The Hub for the night, wanna help us play pranks on Agent Hand?" Skye is smiling brightly, but Jemma can see the poorly hidden concern in her eyes, the same concern she seemed to see in the whole team lately. The idea of spending some more time with Skye is very appealing, and She begins to reply, when she realises what Skye had said and jerks away, shaking her head harshly.

"No, no, I'll stay in my nice safe lab. Thank you, but no." She knows she sounds just a tad bit breathless and panicked, and unfortunately, everyone is aware of how bad a liar she is, so she doesn't even try to make up an excuse.

Fitz crosses his arms, a frown on his face to match Skye's, "Jemma, you've been acting really weird lately. See, like that! I wasn't going to bloody well hurt you, why did you move?"

Skye's eyes widen and she grabs Fitz's shoulder, pulling him back to her side. "I've seen that look before." She hisses at him, "Let her stay, we'll talk about this later."

Fitz looks utterly confused and very indignant, and he gives Jemma one last pleading look before allowing Skye to drag him away, pouting.

…

Coulson is next to approach her, it's around 3am, but she couldn't sleep knowing they were docked at the hub, and that Agent Sitwell definitely had the clearance to board the bus, and come after her again. Instead, she mixes chemicals that she really ought not to, in an effort to take her mind off of it. It's after the sixth 'Bang' as Skye would call it, that he appears outside the lab.

"Is there something I should know about, Simmons?"

She's rather ashamed of the undignified scream that escapes her lips as she spins around to look at the glass doors, half expecting the man who featured in her nightmares, rather than the one she views as a father figure. Her hand rests on her chest, and she can feel her heart racing as she moves forward and presses the button to allow him entrance.

"Terribly sorry to wake you sir, I had forgotten how loud the reactions could be," She apologises, forcing a bright smile onto her face. "Won't happen again, I can assure you."

He doesn't look too upset, she notes, he's just watching her very carefully. Sometimes she hates that she lives on a plan full of agents who were trained to pick up on little things and interpret them.

"Is something wrong, Jemma?" His use of her first name makes her look up, but she just continues that painful smile and shrugs a shoulder.

"No, no of course not. Why would you say that? I'm right as rain. All is well with me sir." She definitely took that too far. Like she'd said, she was not particularly gifted in lying. She bites her lip almost hard enough to draw blood. Hoping beyond all hope that he will let this go and walk away, but he doesn't.

"You're a terrible liar, Jemma." He murmurs, half amused and half worried, and she just really wishes they would all stop worrying, because she'll be okay, really, she just needs to figure out if you can give yourself therapy because she sure as hell isn't going to risk S.H.I.E.L.D finding out about this by going out and actually sitting down with a stranger.

"Yes, I've been told." She sighs dejectedly, and then forces herself to look him in the eye. "Is there any chance you'll let this go?"

He just quirks a brow at her. "I don't want to have to bench you and Fitz."

The threat is in the air though, and she knows its her own fault for letting it get to her. She knows if she tells him everything, she won't be able to stand herself, the shame, and the pity. So she leans against a bench, crosses her arms, and maintains eye contact.

"I'm afraid, Sir." She admits, "All the time. I can't…I know that none of you would hurt me, but…" Her voice trails off and her gaze lowers to the floor, already feeling humiliation sting at her cheeks. That was all she was going to tell him, she wasn't near ready for anything else.

"But someone did." He realises, and before she can even look up, he's stepped fully into the lab and is looking at her with such intensity, such kindness and understanding and perhaps even love, that her breath catches in her throat and all she can manage is a nod.

"Can you tell me what happened, Jemma?" He asks softly, and she just shakes her head because there is no way she could even form the words, say them out loud, scrub her body clean of his hands and words. "That's okay, alright? It's going to be okay. And if you're ever ready to tell someone, I'm here. And I'll let the others know to be gentle with you."

"Thank you, sir."

He nods, and reaches out to pat her on the shoulder, only to pull his hand back quickly and give her an apologetic smile.

…

Fitz has been watching her like a hawk ever since Coulson had quietly told the others individually of Jemma's predicament. It gets old quickly, but she doesn't say anything as they continue their usual banter, only without its usual excitement. Finally, Leo slams down whatever he's working on and turns around.

"Jemma, I need to know what happened. My mind is going nuts with ideas, and some of them are just, just awful, I need to know." He pleads with her, and she has half a mind to run for it, calculating how much time it would take her to get to her bunk and lock it versus how much time it would take Leo to catch up with her, but she knows she has no chance of winning that race.

"I can't tell you, Fitz. I wish I could but…it's hard, don't you see how hard i'm trying?" She hopes he'll understand, but his face fills with hurt and she realizes that its not going to be quite so easily explained.

"That's why I want to help you. We fix things together, remember? You and me, we're a team." He looks so distraught that she almost considers hugging him, but he'd most certainly hug her back and she's not sure how she feels about his hands on her. That makes her feel sick too, because that shouldn't be something she is unsure of. She should be thinking how comforting it would be to be hugged by him, but she's just a tad bit too messed up now.

"I know. I'm so, so sorry. I really am."

He doesn't move any closer, but he looks up at her one last time before returning to his project, and simply says, "Well i'm not going anywhere, and we are gonna fix this. I don't give a damn how long it takes."

…

She notices Ward and May, both hovering whenever she goes somewhere alone, as though they're her guardian angels, and she finds the gesture very sweet, however hearing the heavy footsteps of a man outside her room at night terrifies her, even if it is just Ward checking up on her. She debates sound proofing the pod, but she realises quickly enough that that would mean she'd never hear any other actual threats coming, and that scared her just a little more.

It's late, maybe eleven thirty, when she hears a feminine set of footsteps, and a knock on her door. She's still hesitant to answer, as she always is now, but she does, and is greeted with a facefull of brunette hair and a bowl of popcorn, and oh dear Skye is hugging her.

It takes a few breaths to calm herself down, and a moment later she has discovered that this doesn't actually scare the living daylights out of her as she had been concerned that it would. It actually is rather comforting, and Skye's embrace is loose but warm, her face buried in Jemma's shoulder, and she remembers their first hug, many months ago, and how comforting that had been as well. Hesitantly, her arms wrap around the brunette, who gives her a gentle squeeze, waits a moment, and then pulls away to look at her. Both women are unaware of Jemma's self anointed Guardians watching the exchange with curious eyes.

"So, are we watching 'We're the Millers' or 'The Blind Side'?" Skye questions as soon as she's entered Jemma's bunk, laptop tucked under her arm that Jemma hadn't noticed before.

"Oh, er, whichever one you would like to watch, Skye." She says, eyes wide and confused because she's not quite sure what's going on, but she feels safer than she has in months with Skye sitting on the corner of her bed, laptop open and clicking away. It's odd.

"Awesome, 'We're the Millers' it is then," The hacker smiles micheviously, pressing play and then patting the spot beside her for Jemma. "C'mon, you're gonna miss the start," She persuades, turning her puppy dog eyes on, and Jemma lets out a slow sigh, shutting her door and coming to sit beside the other girl, who falls silent immediately in favour of watching the admittedly, very funny film.

As the credits roll, Jemma realises she is leaning slightly against Skye, and straightens herself out quickly, cheeks flushing. And then Skye speaks up, closing the laptop and placing it down carefully on Jemma's bedside table.

"Jem…I have a feeling I know what happened. I've seen this kind of stuff a lot in homes. And I just wanted to say that I'm here for you, completely. If you ever need anything, hell if you get cold toes and need a hot water bottle, I'm totally your girl." And with that said, she gave the biochemist another soft hug, and a genuine smile, before picking up her laptop and striding back out of the room to let Jemma think it over.

All Jemma can focus on however, is how entirely unsafe she feels again now that Skye is gone, and she is alone. Yes, Ward and May are outside her room pretending to be talking casually, but Skye…well, Jemma supposed that if she had been willing to admit to herself that she was in love with Skye before, she may as well continue to acknowledge It now, as well.

…

It hits her in the middle of the night, as she wakes from yet another nightmare, that she probably isn't the only one that Agent Sitwell has hurt. Her eyes widen asit dawns on her that her not talking, has probably resulted in another young woman being…raped, and her stomach churns even thinking about it but she scrambles out of her bed and throws her door open, smacking into a frazzled looking Skye, both of them falling to the ground, Jemma with more fear than the other girl.

"Whoa there Speedy, where you headed?" Skye asks, getting to her feet and holding a hand out for Jemma. The familiar safety envelopes her and she offers Skye what could almost be the ghost of a real smile. It drops as soon as she remembers what she was on her way to do.

"I was going to see Agent Coulson, there's something he needs to know." She admits, avoiding Skye's gaze.

"At four in the morning?" Skye blinks, and then she nods, "It's about the thing."

Jemma nods, hazel eyes shining because if she can get Skye to go with her, it'll be much easier. Like her own personal human security blanket. "Would you mind terribly accompanying me?" The unspoken 'I'm not sure I can do it on my own' hangs in the air between them, before Skye reaches out, very slowly, and takes Jemma's hand in her own.

"I told you, anything." There's such trust and compassion in Skye's eyes that Jemma doesn't dare doubt her promise ever again, and they walk together to Coulson's bunk, because they know he'll understand when they explain why they're here.

He's a light sleeper, and so he answers after the second knock, sleepily coming face to face with the two girls, and offering both of them a small, yet slightly condescending smile. "You girls know its past your bedtime, don't you?"

Jemma glances towards Skye for reassurance, which is readily given to her, and she takes a deep breath.

"It was Agent Sitwell, sir." Even as she speaks she can feel his hands on her again, the whispered threats, the pain, god, the pain. Her hands shake and she can feel the beginnings of a panic attack, but Skye squeezes her hand genty and whispers, 'Breathe, Jem.' And she manages to keep it together, just barely. "Two months ago, when we stopped to stock up on supplies at the Hub, he cornered me….he forced me to…" Her breaths are coming fast again and she can't finish, though she doesn't need to. Both her friends know exactly what she was forced to do.

Coulson's love outweighs his rage and he reaches out, much like before, only this time he doesn't drop his hand, he wipes the tears from her cheeks and tells her softly that she was right to tell him, and that he's so glad she trusted him enough to. He also tells her that none of them will ever let her get hurt again and that they'd do everything they could to help her get better, to get through this.

"You're family, Simmons. Always will be." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and then gave Skye a meaningful look. "Take her to her pod, but don't leave her. She needs you right now. I'm going to make a few calls."

Skye nods and looks rather like she'd been given the most important job in the planet, if the tender and intense looks she was shooting Jemma were anything to go by, as she was guided back to her pod.

Skye instantly lays out a blanket and pillow and a thick wooly doona on the floor, and settles into her make do bed. "Okay, Jem, time to get some sleep, Doctor's orders."

"You're a computer hacker," Jemma scolds, hiding the tiniest smile behind her hand.

"Yeah, well, I could hack into a hospital and create a fake identity as a doctor, if you'd rather." Skye says, almost eagerly, to Jemma's amusement, as if its something she wants to try, and she clambors into her bed, tucking herself in facing Skye.

"That sounds incredibly like breaking the rules to me." She says, even as her eyelids grow heavy and she feels the weight of her fatigue press down on her.

"You love my bad girl shenanigans, don't lie." Skye murmurs into her own pillow, and then adds softly, "I'd do it. For you. I'd do a lot of things for you."

There's a heavy silence and Skye wonders if Jemma has fallen asleep, but a hand slides down the side of Jemma's bed and onto the floor, and Skye reaches out and takes it. Their fingers intertwine as though they were made to fit together, and soon they have both drifted to sleep.

Jemma doesn't have a single nightmare for the first time in months. Skye becomes her permanent room mate afterwards.


End file.
